Life isn't fair
In the grande scheme of life, you usually you get what you put in to a situation. That said, I guarantee you will encounter your fair share of, 'Why me?' or 'Sorry, come again?' moments. A realisation so shocking, ridiculous and without reason that you will question both your own existence and the human conscience of the person who made such decision.
Life is a constant enigma. It keeps us guessing. Plot twist after plot twist we remain baffled by the variant of life as we come to know it.
Shit things happen to amazing people and some of the greatest opportunities in life, will be offered to the biggest a$$holes you have ever met. The sooner you accept this and further accept that there is little you can do to change this, the better.
Life is pretty amazing but at times you will find yourself in situations that make you question such a thought. But don't let it ruin your soul, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep it moving. Maybe even throw in a shimmy or some jazz hands, keep it lively because if you don't laugh you'll cry and we can't have that now, can we?
Comparison is NOT the key to life, it's the killer
Nothing rains on a parade quite like comparison. In fact it has the ability to turn a parade into a party.
A pity party that is!
How often have you felt happy with a personal victory, only for it to fall short when you've measured it against somebody else? I'll tell you how often I have.. TOO OFTEN and frankly, i'm sick of it.
Be it a weight loss or gain, improvements or acceptance of personal appearance, positive changes in finances or a social triumph. As the saying goes, nothing worth having comes easy. These triumphs, these successes, we have worked, fought and sweated to achieve, but instead of appreciating them we compare them?
Nah, jack that. I'm a fan of most things in life, but I can confirm the word hate is something I strongly associate with comparison. As is unnecessary and soul destroying.
NO THANK-YOU MAAAM.
Trust in the pace of your life
In the words of Ronan Keating, "Life is a Rollercoaster, just gotta ride it." Even if the pace of your life is much faster or slower than those around you, accept and trust in your own journey.
Of all the lessons in life, this is probably the one I would wish to have been aware of prior to experiencing it. Like the lesson above, it unfortunately allows comparison to manifest feelings of stress, pressure and undue insecurities based on the lives and lifestyles of others. A ridiculous thought, right? However I allowed this to be the case during several 'milestone' pinnacles in life and I know I wasn't alone in this... was I?
I'm twenty three years old and have spent the last five years emigrating and travelling the world, using disposable jobs and incomes to do so. In the five years that I was gone, my friends also accomplished ALOT. My best friend got engaged, another gave birth to two beautiful sons, another graduated and settled in a new country and the last of the crew shot to Insta fame for her make-up and beauty creations. Pretty cool, pretty different and pretty varied avenues of life. I often asked myself why I couldn't be like them. All I had done was travelled. Other than my school and college friends, I didn't have a solid friendship circle because I never stayed anywhere long enough to maintain such connections. For the same reason and probably more, I didn't and have never had a serious relationship with a guy, let alone an engagement or possibility of a future with one. Other than the stamps on my passport, I had little paperwork to acknowledge any of my achievements and
lastly, kids or the potential of birthing them, did not take reign in even a miniscule of my thoughts.
It took talking to these friends individually to understand how ridiculous my thought process was. Azara who just graduated really wants to travel, Clare with the babies is getting married next and after travelling a little more I, too am going back to study.
Life is sort of like eating a meal. Some people do it the old fashioned way - starter, main, dessert. Those unsure of what they want to eat might select just one or two of the three options and the eccentric might begin with dessert and end with a starter. Whose to say that any option is wrong or right and who actually cares as long as it's right for the person eating it.
You feel me?
Failure is Fundamental
Whether you fail at school, work, relationships or sex. Each failure will teach you something and will gradually improves your ability and performance to do such thing. Don't be too hard on yourself either. Acknowledge a failure and move on from it with the hope of doing better. Do - Not - Dwell on what you cannot change.
It's also important to note that a failure should only ever be a 'failure' by your standards. For example if your parents want you to get an A in a test but you're ability is that of a B and you would be happy to obtain a B, you have not failed. They have. Likewise with career prospects or the progression of your life, have goals and aim to achieve YOUR goals, no-one else's.
It's better to bring an enemy forward as a friend than to leave a friend behind as an enemy
It took me twenty three years to appreciate and understand the depths and importance of this statement and now that I do, I couldn't be a bigger advocate for such a life changing thought.
Relationships and friendships come and go. Naturally through the course of life we evolve and change and sometimes there's a shift in who we surround ourselves with. Maybe we've moved location, school, job and as a result find ourselves drifting from those we were once close to. Totally natural.
What is less natural and more hurtful, upsetting and damaging to a person is dealing with relationships that end abruptly due to betrayal or deceit. I'm lucky enough to say that this has only ever happened to me on one occasion. Lucky in the sense that it only happened once, but unlucky that it ever did happen. A poor decision by someone close to me, damaged three relationships : The one I had with the person I fell out with, the one I had with myself and the one I now had as a result, with other people.
As anyone who has experienced such circumstance, you will know that you not only blame and hate the person who has wronged you, but also yourself. How could I have been so stupid and naïve? Why did I trust him/her? And the feeling of hurt runs so deep that you never again want to experience such feelings again. So what do we do? We cut the person totally from our lives. Snip, snip, goodbye. If the universe owes you a favour you may never see them again, however usually you will and not only will it be annoying it will also bring awkwardness and bitterness every. single. time.
Who has time for bitterness in their lives? It's self destructive. Hate breed hates. Bitterness brings bitchiness and even if you're dressed head to toe in designer gear, that is NOT a good look. After a few months of going through these motions, I seen the person who had wronged me and verbalised that I wanted to draw a line under everything that had happened and actually move on. Forgiveness can be hard but it's the best thing you will ever do. I don't have to be best friends with the person again nor will I allow the same degree of trust they once gained from me. But what I will be is civil, polite and friendly as life is too short to have drama or enemies.
Stand up for what is right even if you stand alone
Following the crowd is rarely a good thing, especially when said crowd are wrong or do wrong. Always stick up for yourself, your beliefs and stay true to your moral compass even if everyone else's is pointing in another direction.
Be it a racist, homophobic or sectarian comment. The decision to drink or drug drive. Physical, emotional or online abuse and bullying. Make a stand. Say something. It IS important. Some people do wrong and then laugh it off and the company they keep are too scared to correct them, so they
continue living with no consequence or acknowledgement that they are wrong. More than wrong they are dangerous for putting the lives of people around them in jeopardy.
Use your voice for good. Verbalise the wrong in the world and maybe, just maybe a little positive change can occur.
As always, thanks for reading!